How to Make a Love Potion

Greetings, my loves, from nigh and yonder,

’Tis I, Dame Thistle, Fairy Godmother,

Here resting after thousand journeys,

From creating slippers, winging tourneys.

I’ve come to see with no small misery,

It’s much desired by all and sundry

At some point of their animation  

To feel and love without condition.

But how, they fear—and here I frown,

Can they, when they’ve none to call their own?

Taking respite after many wonderings,

The answer nipped me after many ponderings.

Propped up behind my desk I touch

A quill to paper—or parchment, or such

To give, at last, the besought secret

Of love, yes love, you best believe it!

For although you may want me there,

I, my dears, can’t be everywhere!

And so here goes the detailed list,

Of rules to make love’s precious mist!

First get some dew, some fresh good dew,

Best what you find at dawn—say, two.

‘Not water?’ you ask? Oh goodness, no!

Then how’ll the potion surreally glow?

Instructions child—the basic key,

Follow them and pain will your life flee.

About a bucketful’s down pat,

A drop less? Haha! Child, say what?

Then get some sand, ’coz that tastes good.

‘It don’t,’ you say? Don’t ruin my mood!

Do this: take a run next to a river.

Be sure to trip over a boulder.

Be sure your mouth is open so

Into your mouth some sand can go.

Taste it and sigh—ahh, salty fine,

Now quick, add a pinch to that love wine.

Find beef and blend to meaty paste,

With the dew, pickles, and—child make haste!

Add any quantity of rice,

And saffron, garlic, lots of spice.

In go some peppermint, in go more cheddar,

Ooh in that blender’s some stormy weather!

Now I know these things seem too everyday,

A bit too common for a godmother’s way,

But how’d you like it if I told you to

Add an ogre’s slime to that steamy ragout?

A jabberwocky’s blood, a python’s lisp,

Or a roc bird’s claw burned to a crisp?

I must these ingredients replace

With things found in your time and space.

Now when it’s done, do pour the liquid

Into a large bowl that has no lid.

Inhale, and have your senses tickled

With love’s strong spell that’ll have them shackled

Who you want to live with forever,

With whom you’ll live happily ever after.

Now sing, yes child, with all you’ve got,

A love song that makes your blood run hot.

Choose four, and sing with all abandon

The Beatles, Blue, or One Direction.

Sing loud, sing to the potion yellow,

Till your voice is hoarse, your breathing shallow.

But wait! Listen! Only blink thrice

Lest your potion becomes juice for some mice.

Add a drop to his drink, cookie, or pudding,

And then sit back and watch love happen.

If it does not work, then I did my best,

You’re likely suffering from a generational curse.

But be sure to try it, all the above,

For everyone deserves some love.

For if El Chapo could flee jail more times than one,

Then you can escape the dreaded friend zone!