10 Things the Rio Olympics Taught Me

Some of us became temporarily nocturnal this month. We wanted to see if Usain Bolt will do his treble treble. That guy is too much fun. I enjoyed his brief bromance with Andre de Grasse. How will the Olympic world recover from Bolt’s exit?

Anyway, I learned a few things. A few.

10. I’m not that much into sports.

So it’s been said, that I like sports, and I do well because I follow it. Well, it took seventeen days of competition to prove all of that wrong. Apparently there are tons of sporting events that I never knew of. The Olympics happen once in four years, but in those intervals there are mini-Olympics, you know, indoor championships, the Diamond League, the IAAF championships. Handball leagues. BMX. Volleyball tourneys! Listening to those commentators harp on and on about this competitor’s season’s best and personal best and who won what earlier this year made me feel so dumb. All I follow is the NBA, barely, and the WNBA is dead to me, and my football knowledge is limited to the EPL, the UCL, Shaolin Soccer and Super Strikas. A girl has got too much catching up to do.

9. There are actual Bahrainis in Bahrain!

(Microsoft Word just told me the word isn’t Bahrainians but Bahrainis. Ei. And someone has told me before that I’m smart. Hm.)

Often when I see a Bahraini athlete, the commentator adds that he is formerly Kenyan, or Ethiopian, or, something. I had to ask: is anyone actually from Bahrain? Turns out, yeah. It is sad to see so many Africans become nationals of other countries, but honestly it’s unsurprising. Picture this. Eventual silver medalist in this year’s men’s javelin throw, a Kenyan, made it all the way to the airport in his home country, only to find out that his country’s Olympic committee hadn’t got him a ticket. Imagine that! If people get a chance to leave this disorganization, why won’t they take it? I won’t even ask them to introduce blogging as an Olympic sport. My country probably wouldn’t bother funding me.

8. We found love in an actually really hopeful place!

Do you know Ashley Eaton? He’s a decathlete! Do you know Brianne Thiesen-Eaton? She’s a heptathlete! (Ei. Microsoft says ‘heptathlete’ is not a word. Eii.) He’s from USA, and she’s Canadian. They’re married! Dad says they met at the Olympics. My theory is, he was jogging to Canada one day, (because people do that all the time, jog across borders; I would know because I’ve jogged across the border between my room and the living room a few times), and she was jogging to the USA, and they met and Cupid just happened to be waltzing by. Jeff and Tiffany Porter? They’re both hurdlers! Jeff’s from USA and Tiff’s British. They’re married! Did you see the people that proposed this Olympics? You didn’t? You missed! 

I’ve got to say, watching DeAndre Jordan flapping his ‘wings’ on the side while the USA men’s basketball team annihilated Serbia was quite the thing!

7. Anybody can…be nocturnal!

Because Brazil had to be about three hours behind us, all the fun stuff happened after 11 p.m. here. But being a nocturne’s easy. First night, drink coffee. Same time, next night, drink coffee. By third night, you don’t need the coffee. You’re sharp as a…whistle? Life may not be easy if your mom’s voice wrenches you out of sleep the next morning, but you’ll live through it. I have.

6. USA might be jinxed!

For some Olympics now the USA men’s track team has not conquered the 4x100m relay race. This year they earned a bronze, coming behind Jamaica—no surprise there—and a delightfully shockingly fast Japan! After doing their lap of honour it was discovered that there was an anomaly with one of the baton passes—and they were disqualified. Personally I don’t know why they looked so glum. They won just about everything else. Greed, much?

Said I loved you but I lied/ This is more than love I feel inside/ Said I loved you but I was wrong/ Love could never ever feel so strong… Michael Bolton is just on another pedestal.

Oh. I’m done. For the first part of this post. The second part will come… later. I just thought I’d end with a song. Or maybe the song should have come after this part. It’s not too late. I could copy and paste.

Said I loved you but I lied/ This is more than love I feel inside/ Said I loved you but I was wrong/ Love could never ever feel so strong… Michael Bolton is just on another pedestal.